How We Come Apart
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Day 22:  Ahhh?

3/17/2014

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Good Afternoon, Alex Katz
So George left for a few days.  Ahhh.  Le Kid and I hung out with friends all weekend - went to the zoo, went hiking, planted some things, went to the farmer's market, played chess. We had  lots of snuggles.  It's sort of like all our other weekends - no George in sight.  Sometimes he would make a cameo for meals, but much of the time he seemed glum about it.   No negativity.  No heaviness.  Just friends who  I love.   And Le Kid, who is made of fairy dust.  When I think of him, that he is healthy and happy and safe, I wonder how I can focus on the pathetic shit so much.   I should be grateful every day and I don't mean that in a shitty yoga teacher kind of way.  I really mean it.  

 Do I miss George? No, I don’t.  I miss the thought of having another person there.  A partner.  But it’s not like he was a partner really.  He paid for and still does pay for things.  He is a patron of St. Frankie.   But he was in no way otherwise engaged with us.   I’ve had relationships before with kind, present people.  People who wanted to partner with me.  I just didn’t want that then.   I wanted something challenging and difficult didn't I?  I wanted to win someone over.   In the end, it was stupid.   And George is not a bad person.  In fact, he's a good person.  If you met him at a bar, you'd want to know him.  He's a shitty husband but a great person.  Does that make sense?  Those are the worlds of our mutual friend LEM:  Great guy, shitty husband.  


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